I've Been Abused
It is helpful to confide in a trusted family member or friend. They can help be objective about your situation and become a support for you. In additional seek out professional help to guide you and help you deal with the abusive experiences. If necessary, talk to an attorney about legal options such as separations, divorces, children custody, and/or restraining/protective orders. There are agencies in your community that can help you seek out the necessary help you need. This is the difficult and hard part of the abusive relationship and it is wise to look for helpful resources that can facilitate the process of leaving an abusive relationship. Do not isolate yourself.
The most dangerous time during an abusive relationship is when it ends. You may be scared to end the relationship. If you are, take that fear seriously. Ending a relationship with an abusive or controlling person is not the same as ending a healthy relationship.
- Tell someone you trust about abuse in the relationship.
- Ask for help, an advocate can help you develop a safety plan.
- If you don’t feel safe, don’t break up in person, over the phone or email are other options.
- If you decide to break up in person, consider doing it in a public place. Have friends or your parents wait for you nearby. Take a cell phone with you if possible.
- Let your friends and parents know you are ending your relationship
- Trust yourself. If you feel afraid, you probably have a good reason.
If you ever feel you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Ending an abusive relationship is difficult. There is nothing wrong speaking to a counselor to help you talk about the abusive relationship and understand it is not your fault. Remember although your physical scars may heal, your psychological ones may not have. There is help for you. You do not have to suffer in silence.
Unfortunately, ending the abusive relationship does not end the dangers; on the other hand it comes with a different set of dangers including keeping yourself safe. It is often encouraged to come up with a safety plan to help you be safe. This is why it is important to create a personalized safety plan that fits your situation and experience. Remember there may be many suggestions on how to be safe but you need to do what YOU think is safe for yourself and children.
The following suggestions may help when you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship:
- Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures.
- Know where you can go to get help; tell someone what is happening to you.
- If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit.
- Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
- Contact your local battered women’s shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis.
- Obtain information about getting a protective order.
- Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible.
- Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can.
- Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.
Help and Resources
Center Against Family Violence
http://www.cafv.org/
915-593-7300
El Paso Police Department
http://www.ci.el-paso.tx.us/police/default.asp
915-832-4400
Texas Council on Family Violence
http://www.tcfv.org/
The Nationals Women Health Information Center
800-994-9662 TDD: 888-220-5446
http://www.womenshealth.gov/
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
http://www.thehotline.org/
The National Abuse Dating Hotline
1-866-331-9474 | 1-866-331-8453 TTY
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
Love Good Bad Ugly (Teen Dating)
http://lovegoodbadugly.com/